21 posts tagged “business”

I spent some time yesterday morning checking out new music.  I find this to be one of the most relaxing and satisfying of hobbies...if i had a hobby, i guess i would have to say it is that....finding new music that i like.  
 
Great new finds, include:  The Village Green, The Black Angels, and The Blow; oh and We are Scientists. 
 
I still need to check out TV on the Radio, Secret Machines and Mojave 3...haven't listened to them yet to see if i like them.  Also, Meg made me a mixed tape of Coachella bands that i am excited to get to listen to.
 
Here's what I'm listening to:

CSS- Music is my Hot, Hot Sex
The Blow- Hey Boy
Margo and the Nuclear so and so's-Jes bringing the drugs
Loveless- Darling would you
The Coral Sea- Descend
Bears-How to Live
Clear Static-Make up Sex
The Village Green- When Creepers creep in
Say Hi to Your Mom- Sweet Sweet Heartkiller
  
We all went out to dinner last night to celebrate Zoe's birthday and it was a lot of fun.  That was Birthday event #3..and there is still one to go:
#1- Party at school last friday, brought in cookies
#2- Actual birthday with mom in Santa Barbara and then brownie cake, candles, b-day song with mom/dad that night
#3- Family birthday dinner with grandparents and mom/dad at Zoe's choice of restaurant
#4- Actual Birthday party this saturday night with all her friends
 
Damn.....that's a lot of stuff..but you only turn 10 once!
 
Work is exploding again and I'm super de duper busy and the pressure is on this week.   I have a huge project to present on Thursday to my entire team who are flying down from Redmond...mind you, i haven't even started this and i have to do a damn Time Tube in Visio...this can be a pain in the ass sometimes.    we do a lot of time tubes in my org... I also have my career discussion w/ boss tomorrow..you know the one where i'm supposed to figure out if i'm moving or staying or what?!!!  Will dream up the answer tonight i guess.
 
i'm really loving The Village Green; it was a great find.

The_village_green

 
 
And now the RANT SECTION OF THE BLOG
 
anyway..i actually hate when people talk about their hobbies.  As if they have to list all this crap to make themselves sound more interesting than they are.   They list and state thier hobbies like a resume..as if i am only to find another person interesting by these extra curricular obsessions.  I don't need to be around like minded hobby enthusiasts to like another person or be friends with them... I always end up feeling like a loser because i am not obsessed with one particular thing...why do i have to have a damn hobby?  can't i just be busy with being a single mom, working full time at a stressful job, keeping up with friends and traveling?  when do people have time to perform and keep up with all these hobbies?  because i seem to be really busy all the time....okay, okay, all this talk of hobbies is now pressuring me to come up with a half ass list of shit that i do or say that i do....what is the difference between a hobby and an interest anyway?  i have more interests than hobbies.
wanna be hobby list: shopping, sleeping in, learning to take pictures, hanging with friends at a bar or cafe, traveling when i can, listening and finding new music...i used to also write incessantly in my journal, play cards (uno,rummy,poker), make large collages, have much more sex and write more correspondence, but i seem to blog more often than any of that is happening lately....

hmmmm.note to self- less blogging might equal more sex.

This morning, while driving Zoe to school, this old song by Louie Prima came on called 'Angelina' came on.  I was flooded by memories as music can do to us and remembered a wonderful time in my life with Zoe.  When she was 11 months old till she was about 20 months, we had this evening routine.  First a little set up to that time in my life.  I had just started working at a small startup in Sunnyvale and we had just moved from our apartment to a rented 3 bedroom house.  Chris was working a UPS in the evenings and would watch Zoe in the day and then take her to his mother's or my mother's depending on the day...around 6pm, they would come and pick me up from work and get us dinner and bring us home.  We only had one car at the time...a 1973 Lincoln Continental...it was like 21 feet long and was the hugest boat i'd ever driven..her grandfather gave it to us thinking that a giant chunk of american heavy metal would keep his grandbaby safe from anything on the road now days.  Within about 30 minutes of getting in the door and dropping all of the crap that we'd come home with and both of us changing, ect...I would put on that very same Louie Prima song and the two of us, alone in the house, would dance dance dance.  This happened everyday for almost a whole year.  I would hold her in my arms and we would dance and bounce and bop and swing all around the living room; zoe would smile and laugh and chuckle the entire time.  she loved it.  i would swing her around and she shriek with delight.  I loved this time.  The whole world melted away and it was just her and I ...i know it was only 3 minutes or whatever..but it was really special and I'm thankful to have remembered that today.
I can't believe she will be 10 in a few short weeks.  She continues to be the most amazing thing i've ever created in my life.

I was looking at some really amazing photographs on Flickr this evening.  There are some amazing photographers that post on there.  I always thought of it as a place where so and so's mom posted their pics from thanksgiving or the the last soccer game.  I hope to learn to take better pictures this year; I have this Caviar Expensive nice Canon 30d camera and i disparately need to learn how to use it better.  I kick ass when there is natural light, but i still haven't gotten the swing of indoor pics at all.  I also need about 4 other lenses and an assistant at all times that can help me make the adjustments needed...oh well. i am slowly getting better. 

Today was a crazy day at work.  It's been pretty drama filled all week long, but ended today with a giant leap into the sandbox of crap.  I received 16 voice mails today on my cell phone...and yes, I was answering my phone today...most of those were from someone calling while i was already on the phone with someone else.  I'm in the middle, toward the end of a really large negotiation and today was the due date of the final bids from the vendors.  lots of back and forth. lots of wheelin and dealin and back door conversations and confirmations and follow ups and expectation setting...ug.  i am exhausted.  I was hoping to be able to get out for an hour or two tonight and even got all dressed up and beautiful, but it is cold out and i am tired.  ***Also, I have been meaning to mention the new tv show called Dirt; it's really good if you can catch it on FX.

Music I am listening To Tonight:  (My new favorite is Dirty Pretty Things) 

Butch Walker- Hot Girls in good moods

Lady Sovereign- Love Me, Hate Me

Jude- Save Me

Catherine Feeny- Mr.Blue

Pogues- Love you til the end

Dogzilla- Dogzilla

Dirty Pretty Things- Deadwood

Some News: I went into the office today for 3 huge meetings and pretended not to notice that both bengt and kat were both out today....coincidence?  i think not.....they've done this 3 times so far that i've noticed....Why do i have to notice?   My really tough meetings were really tough and i'm thankful to be through them...more stress next week and only 1 out of 3 of my deals are completed...$4 Million saved...and many more millions to go.. 
 
Some Good News: I've coincidently reconnected with a bunch of people since the breakup; which makes me really happy. 
 
Dave: I'm seeing my friend Dave on Sunday for hanging out and coffee or something. (i've been cutting out coffee and alcohol lately...but i can have tea or something...it's a weird thing to think about but i still associate 'going for coffee' to mean sitting at a cafe drinking drip coffee and smoking cigarettes for hours upon hours.  so the idea that i don't drink coffee and don't smoke has me a little baffled as to how i'm supposed to 'hang out' with people..anyway..i'm looking forward to it) 
He got the job at LeapFrog and has been doing a dreadful commute for the last month.  I can't wait to hear how it's going for him and how hard it is for him to hold his tongue against the normal stupid corporate policies that all companies have....I would consider Dave to be a Nihilist and his philosophy close to this.  He is always interesting to talk to.
 
Matt: My friend Matt has been really amazing the last couple of months; especially since i'm sure he's pissed at me for not moving to Seattle after all..I'm glad we've started to reconnect after a long silence.  He's given me great advice and always seems to say the right thing.  He's also made me feel like no matter how bad it gets..you can always count on your friends..even if you haven't been super close in a long time...with good friends, it only takes a second to feel like no time has passed at all.   Matt sent me a great wav file last night of John Lennon saying, "When all else fails, Fuck It" or something close to that....i listened to it in a loop like 20 times this morning.
 
Meghan: My friend Meghan found me out of the blue on vox and it's been cool talking with her and swapping music and bands n stuff.  We have really similiar tastes in music now days...not sure that we used to but its very cool now.  we are going to a show together next month and i'm really excited about it.  I'm lucky to have friends that are willing to hang out with me in my most current pathetic state of being.
 
Becky: What can i say about this?  We ebb, we flow.  Becky is my all time longest and best friends.  We've been best friends since we were 9 years old and have pretty much talked everyday of our lives save for one or two gaps in our lives...the 2nd one being  just last year while i was with bengt.  reconnecting feels like home again and i feel loved and wanted and part of something.  i love beck and she is the dearest person in the world to me.
 
Scott: I think I wrote about this night when he came to visit last month.  We stayed up talking about life and stuff till 3 or so in the morning.  I miss him and was looking forward to seeing him more when we moved up north.
 
 
Tonight I'm having a Music Listening Party.  This week was entirely too stressful and i've cooked a nice dinner and am now chillen out to the below jams.
 
Listening Party Mix for 1/5/2006
 
Dangerous Muse- Break Up
Ex Boxeo- The Rope
Shiny Toy Guns- Le Disko
The Subways- Rock n Roll Queen
Vanessa Carton- Annie
Scissor Sisters- I don't feel like Dancin'
Gomez- A Song for Lovers in Between Wars
Hurts to Purr- I didn't Mean it
Imogen Heap- Hide and Seek (DJ Russ Harris extended version mix)
The Tender Box- Mister Sister
Spoon- I turn my Camera On
Camera Obscura- Lloyd, I'm ready to be heartbroken
Cold War Kids- We used to Vacation
The Divorce- Yes
Mates of State-Fraud in the 80's
7 Seconds- Walk together talk together
Frank Black-Los Angeles
House of Pain- Jump Around
Technotronic- Pump up the Jam
Salt n Pepper- Push It
 

i flew to Vancouver, Canada today.  This was not business and not really that personal.  It was more of a pathectic little thing called the "mileage run".  This is when you fly somewhere only for the miles and not for the place.  In my case, i needed 1412 miles to make MVP on Alaska Airlines, which i fly frequently for work.  Being MVP means i get to board the plane first and get free upgrades to first class everytime i fly..which is at least 10-15 times a year.  The first class thing is worth it.  SJC to SEA is 1392 miles...Vancouver was 1600 miles and cheaper than San Diego.  I was upgraded to first class both ways and spent 4 hours in the airport.  I had airport food all day and i feel a little ill from it.

Mostly I was sad today.  I missed bengt a lot today.  I don't know whether it's the holidays, the traveling or just a general feeling of missing someone i used to talk to a lot.  It seemed like today, everything reminded me of him, or of a shared memory or moment.  i miss him. a lot.  thinking more about it now as i write this; i realize it wasn't a missing him as it was more of a mourning for the happiness i thought we both shared together.  I am hurt by him.  I am sad (and mortified) that he "didn't pick me" and has chosen to be with another woman.  I am hurt that he doesn't love me as much as he said he did.   I cried a little today.  I tried not to.  The tears just escaped from my eyes with me trying despartely not to be 'emotional' in the middle of an airport in Canada.  It was lonely.  I was lonely.  I guess you could say that i felt very alone today.  cold, lonely and far away.  a sad miserable combination.

I don't know how to not miss him.  I wish i didn't after the way he's treated me.........i wish i could just walk away and easily and suddenly get a whole new life.  I keep wondering when it gets easier and when i will feel better and when my heart won't ache for him.  Am I supposed to find a new boyfriend right away?  Move into a new house?  get all new friends?  buy all new furniture?  buy a new phone?  change everything so nothing will remind me of him?  .....that's what he has done...that is probably why it is easy for him.    I don't want to sound pessimistic, but somehow i just don't think it's going to be as simple as that for me.

Tomorrow we fly to Las Vegas for a big giant adventure that ends with getting a new puppy.   I am feeling apprehensive and scared and worrying about all the driving at night and about getting lost and getting tired and traffic and accidents and i'm hoping i can manage to not be sad on the trip.  and what in the world am i going to do in vegas for 2 days with my 10 year old?  and at this point...i'm not even sure when i'll be home...hopfully by christmas eve :)

i'm just home after a fun filled day of work related travel that started at 5am.  I am grateful for on time departures, no rain, and not having to bring luggage.  I am also grateful for small inquiries about how i am doing and sentiments of encouragement from friends.

Dilemma:  the xmas party for work:  to go or not go?  everyone is telling me i'm crap if i don't go since i skipped last year's party...i know i will just feel figitity and restless if i go and i won't want to drive back down here to the south bay and i'm not sure who has a room up there that i can crash with...maybe i am setting myself up for a night of tv or something...right now i am just sulky about not having my love and i don't feel like going out.....it will be boring and i'm not that in to meeting everyone's wives, partners, girlfriends, boyfriends, ect...people act different around their significant others....and its all wierd...i don't think i acted wierd.

i think i am tired.  i am feeling all emotional and sad all of a sudden. 

i miss him. 

So apparently, people like the blog.  Maybe because there is more drama here than a late night tv mini series...in any event, the blog epilog is back by popular demand.  Many of the worlds readers, have written to me or verbally stated that they missed the updates.  Okay, Okay- I am a woman of the People.  I give the people what they want.

Let's see...2 weeks have gone by and what have i been doing besides Crying My Eyes Out?  My Life 11/21-12/7, the Cliff Notes Version:

HighLights

Thanksgiving- Went up to a friends place in San Fransico for a great day that was filled with Very Very Good Champagne, amazing food (Great Job Chef!) and wonderful supportive and sweet friends.  We drank, we laughed, we toasted to the future.  I only cried a few times and I tried not to at the dinner table.  It was a very enjoyable day.

Scott's Visit- My friend Scott was in the Bay Area for a day and called me up and asked me to hang out and have dinner.  I happened to already have plans with another one of our mutual friends and ended up being able to arrange for the 3 of us to all hang out.  A couple more people from the office joined us for drinks and dinner as well.  We all drank quite a lot that night and Scott stayed over my place because he forgot what hotel he was at.  We stayed up talking about love and life and the future till 3 in the morning.  It made me really miss Scott as a friend.  He is a good person and is doing well in Seattle with his beautiful wife and they are about to start a family. 

Dinner Party- Went to a dinner party up in San Francisco at a great restaurant with a bunch of good friends and got very drunk on Cosopolitans (again!). 

Clubbing- Zoe had a slumber party up in the city last saturday night and a friend and i took her up there and then went out on the town.  We had reservations at this great little thai place in Northbeach called, Citizen Thai and the Monkey.  I highly reccommend the place.  We had a hotel room at the St. Francis so we could both drink and be crazy for the night.  We went to a clube we had heard about that is a little infamous and had an interesting short experience there before we left and went back to the hotel for some more cheaper drinking (we had brought our own bottle of Vodka).  We left about midnight and walked to another club around the block, called Ruby Sky.  They had a great DJ there that night...we slammed a few drinks and hit the dance floor for an hour or so before last call where we slammed some more drinks and then back out to the front middle of the floor to dance for another 3 hours.  I had so much fun!  I cannot tell you how long its been since i've been dancing.  I wasn't thinking about anything except for the music and every once and awhile trying to be aware enough to not fall over.  We went for food around 4:30am and were back to the hotel in bed by 5:30am.  we slept until about 2, went for brunch where we had Mimosa's and then went shopping at the new Westfield shopping town.  I bought some new shoes for working out since my other ones kept giving me blisters and were a whole size too small. 

Trip to Redmond- On tuesday i went to Redmond, WA to give a big presentation that i have been putting together for several weeks.  I was really nervous about it and managed to get through it pretty well.  I was able to sit versus standing which helped with the whole relaxation thing.   A coworker and I both stayed in Seattle at the W and went to eat at one of my favorite restaurants there, Wild Ginger and we had these great drinks called Pomatini's with Pomagranite Juice.  yummy.

Lowlights

Cave Dweller-The rest of Thanksgiving weekend was spent by eating nothing but Champagne and Brie with FrenchBread and crying and being sad.  I didn't leave the house for 3 days. 

The Move-Bengt continued to move out more each week and each time i came home i cried and cried when i saw his stuff was gone.  I still cannot believe how much has changed in such a short amount of time. 

Living Without Your Best Friend- Everyday that goes by, there is something that happens or I think about that I want to talk to him about.  It's like a natural instinct to want to talk to him; he is my best friend and we spoke everyday.   I think of him everyday...  A song, A story, something..it's always something. it's everything.  And this happens each day, and each day we don't talk.  I am sad each day by this little small event that only i recognize.  To add insult to injury (this phrase fits absolutely perfectly in this context), he has replaced me before i was even gone with a new 'best friend'.  I'm sure it is much easier for him to walk away from me when he has someone right there ready and willing to become whatever he wants her to.    

Zoe and School Trouble- Yesterday and today I was contacted by Zoe's teachers and told that she has had 3 episodes of physical violence towards other children in her class over the past 3 weeks.  the incident yesterday was the worst.  In a meeting today with the prinicipal and her teacher, Zoe talked about being upset by Bengt moving out and how she was frustrated and angry by this.  I cannot tell you the kind of worrying i am currently doing about my daughter and this situation.  I don't know how to fix it and make it okay.  She has been damaged by this disaster so much more than i even imagined.  I am heartbroken to know that my daughter is hurting and needing help.  I am distraught to not know what to do to help her.  I obviously haven't been making great decisions lately, and i'm worried that i won't do the right thing here.

I am almost home.

i have drunken/drank/been drinking some sake tonight.  i worked all day. drank sake all night. 

zoe marie- I love you and i will see you on SUNDAY!!! I love you honey bunny pumpkin pie!

B- first thing that comes to mind is to say 'ditto'...maybe you'd get the joke.  its nice when someone gets the inside jokes.  

Q: Emily, how have you been?

A: Well, I'm glad you asked.  There has been so much going on lately.  It's all rather difficult and lengthly to explain.

Q: Oh, please do!  I really want to hear about your life and how you have been feeling lately.

A: Well, okay.  If you insist.

................hmmmm, nobody actually talks like that  I don't like my hotel room and so i'm not sleeping.  my laptop says its 6:52am, but i know that is a big fat lie.  it is not 6:52am here in Tokyo.  I've had quite a bit to drink tonight.  Several Cosmopolitans and then we were drinking Sake and then rum and coke at a bar we went to after dinner.  I don't actually know what time it is.  i don't think its late.  probably only 10 or 11 or 12 or something managable like that.  I have requested a wake up call and have tried to set the alarm. 

Did i mention that i miss B? 

B.  I miss you.   

we arrived in Tokyo today.  it took all day to get here.  we left our shanghai hotel at 8am and finally arrived at our tokyo hotel at 5pm; the flight only takes 2 hours and 20 minutes...the rest is travel time getting in and out of the cities.  the central train station at shinjuku is amazingly crowded...by far, the most populous productive area i've seen....hundreds of trains, thousands of people all moving briskly...i think steven said something like 1 million people travel through the station every day.

We all met for drinks, then met with more people and went to dinner.  I'm glad i got to see some of the city and walk around outside tonight. 

Remind me when you see me next to tell you the story i heard tonight about one of the strangest delicacies i've ever heard of.

Tokyo1

I've been busy.

I've left Beijing and have been in Shanghai...(joy!)    Can i stay a little longer please?  there is more shopping to do...and everything is SOOO Cheap. 

Blog topics for later:

1. No sense of personal Space
2. Group Eating and sharing of food
3. Baidju
4. The Backroom of the Store while Shopping for knock off Handbags
5. Plug Adapters
6. Traffic
7. A country without Rum
8. the Mao Waving Watch i wanted to get for B, but left behind
9. Communication Issues and How Cingular Service sucks all around the Globe
10. Cool People work in Foriegn country offices of my company
11. Personal Drivers are the way to go...way better than cabs
12. Beautiful sights are improved when your loved ones are there too
13. Mixing Work and Life and Life and Work= what to do when this goes wrong?
14. The 25 Course Meal and 1.3 Billion skinny people
15. Street Market Vendors should become Enterprise Sales and Account Managers
16. Why haven't i seen any cats or dogs in Asia?

Shanghai1